Life note
by CSMichaelis
Summary: Sequel to Light's confession:the next morning. Light wants toshare his life with L, but the famous detective may have other ideas LightxL no flames I don't own anything.
1. Chapter 1

Light sighed contentedly as he sat in the restaurant with his family, his mind wasn't on his sister, who was telling their parents about her test scores. Light's thoughts were on L. The Kira case had been closed for just about three months, and as their agreement stated, in exchange for Light giving up those who had acted as Kira, including Misa, L had shielded him from suspicion.

"Light, can you hear me?" His father asked waving a hand in front of his son's face.

"I'm sorry, what were you saying?" He asked, Mr. Yagami shook his head.

"Still thinking about Ryuzaki?"

"I can't help it. I think i could spend the rest of my life with him. Sayu, who sat beside her mother grinned.

"Are you ever going to let me meet him?"

"It's his choice sayu, he isn't really sociable, he'd rather be by himself, I'm going to respect that." Light told her.

"If you're going to be with him, he should learn to be social." She complained.

"You can't just expect things like that from him. I promised to take things slow with him."

"And so you should, relationships happen over time Light, not all at once. To tell you the truth, I don't know if you should go any further, he did tell you that he and Watari don't stay in one place long." Mr. Yagami pointed out.

"But that was before we solved the Kira case, before we told each other about our love. I do love him."

"We know you do Light. We just want you to be sure before you make any..lasting decisions, especially with Ryuzaki." His mother added.

"Look, I know you two are just looking out for me but, Ryuzaki is important to me, that won't change." Light rose from the table and left his family without a word. He made his way back to the hotel where L was staying.

The hotel lobby was full of people going about their daily business, guests were being shown to their rooms, hotel employees were transporting the luggage to the proper place. Light took the elevator to the top floor and walked down the long corridor.

A variety of paintings lined the walls as far as light could see. Finally he reached L's room, he knocked on the door and waited.

He had made up his mind in the short time it took for Watari to answer the door, he would ask L to stay with him, to be his forever, they would find a house and be happy, he knew Watari would have to come as well but that didn't bother him.

"Light, please come in." The old man greeted, he stepped aside to allow the younger man to enter.

"Thank you Watari." Watari nodded politely.

Light walked slowly toward the detective who didn't seem to notice his arrival. He walked up to the chair and noticed the sadness in his eyes.

"Ryuzaki-"

"Light, please sit down, there is something I need to tell you."


	2. Chapter 2

"You're- you're leaving?" Light's heart sank. If L left Japan, if Light never saw him again, he was sure he was going to die of a broken heart.

"You can't go Ryuzaki, I thought you loved me." L lowered his gaze but didn't speak.

"Were you lying, trying to get me to confess to something when you told me you loved me?"

"No. I said it because I meant it. Yes it is true that I have been known to be untruthful at times during an investigation in order to get the proper results. However, I do love you. You knew that I would not be around forever Light. I was either going to die or I would move on to the next case. I never promised you I would stay. I deeply regret the pain I have caused you and hope that one day, you will forgive me." L sighed.

"Congratulations Light Yagami, you have done the impossible, never before have I felt such pain as I do now, nor have I regretted many of my actions." Light noticed suddenly that L wasn't eating as he usually would, there were no treats in front of him.

"He hasn't eaten in two days." Watari explained noticing the curious look in Light's eyes.

Light was shocked to say the least.

"Ryuzaki, I-"

"I could not, the thought of leaving here is not easy for me to deal with. I will miss you." Light stood up and embraced L tightly, he felt L hug him back.

"You have taught me a very valuable lesson, please continue on your current path and I wish you all the best for you as well as your family.

"Can I convince you to stay, I know that detective work is all you know, you can do that from right here in Japan, I'll do everything I can to-'

"I do not want you involved, there are times that I work with very dangerous criminals, if something were to happen to you Light, it would be because you are someone close to me. I could not live with myself if I lost you in that way."

"Ryuzaki, I came here today with a request, I want you to stay with me. I want us to have a life together, a home and-please?" Watari's heart was breaking to see L hurting was more than the old man could stand.

"L, look at me." He said softly, L obeyed.

"I want you to tell me honestly, because you and I both know I can tell when you're lying. Do you love Light?"

"Yes." He answered without hesitation.

"Then for the moment, let's suppose that you aren't a detective, there are no cases being sent to you, and the only thing that matters is you finding your place in the world, can you do that?"

"It is difficult, however I think I can manage."

"Good. Now tell me Ryuzaki, where will you be, where would you call home, don't think with your mind, what is your heart telling you?"

"It is telling me that anywhere is home as long as I have you and Light. That I would very much like to have the life Light has offered me. But I fear that I would be bored in time and-"

"When that day comes, we'll figure it out together." Light promised.

"Your life has changed, and that's okay. I have worked with many detectives but the one I am most proud of is you. You were the only one that I raised, I taught you myself, and I never felt that you were a job, you are the son I would have liked to have. Your happiness is important to me."

"Will you leave me Watari?" L asked sadly. The old man placed a hand on L's shoulder.

"Not unless you want me to. We've been together far too long for me to leave you, as I said, you are the son I wish I had."

'Maybe you do have your son then Watari, he obviously loves you. I would like to have you here too, I'm sure he's going to want that."

"Watari, what should I do?"

"That choice is yours, I can't make it for you, just keep on mind, no matter what it is, I will stay at your side for as long as you want." A genuine smile crept onto L's face.

"Watari?"

"Yes Ryuzaki?"

"I have made my decision, I want to stay with Light."

"Then we will." The older man said.

"Thank you Watari, for giving me this choice." L said releasing Light and hugging Watari. The old man smiled.

"As long as you're happy, I'll be happy, remember that."

"I love you Ryuzaki, and I swear that I'll do everything I can to show you every single day. I know it's going to be an adjustment for you but if there's anything at all you need me to do so you can be comfortable, let me know."

"I love you too Light, Watari will handle most of my needs as always."

"Light, before things between the two of you get too serious, I want to talk with you." Watari said.

"Alright." Light turned to face him.

"You know now how I feel about Ryuzaki, but you may not know that I am quite handy with many types of weapons, and I can hit a target from a good distance, if you ever hurt my son, if I even think you're thinking about it, I will kill you myself; do you understand?" Light smiled.

"I'm glad he has you Watari,I understand, I don't want to hurt him, I promise."

"Keep it that way." L said nothing, his pale face had begun to turn scarlet.

"Don't be embarrassed Ryuzaki, you're loved, be grateful."

"I am grateful." He said not bothering to look at the two.

Light placed his hand under L's chin, tipping his face upward.

"If it makes you feel better, my father is probably going to say something close to that to you when I tell him."

"Or he will just kill me right there. I would not blame him."

"No one's going to kill anyone, he's a tough man but I think he was starting to warm up to you."

"I doubt it, I accused you over being a murderer, I did many things that he did not approve of."

"Yeah, that's true but It's over now, there's no more Kira, and not much left to blame me for-"

"I am sure I could find something."

"I wouldn't doubt it. But He'll accept this. Sayu wants to meet you and-"

"Did you explain to her I am not social?"

"Yes, but sooner or later she's going to find a way to see you, and we can work on it. It doesn't have to happen now. When you're ready." Light kissed him softly.

"It's going to be alright Ryuzaki."

"Yes, I suppose it will."

"I want you to know that you're always going to come first. Now, can I ask you to do something for me?"

"It depends on what you want."

"I love you very much, and I don't want you to get sick, with you not eating for two days, and being so thin already, I'm worried that might happen so can you eat please?"

"I believe I can now."

"Good." The old man was smiling again. "I'll go and get you something." He said disappearing from view leaving Light and L alone, Light leaned in close and whispered in L's ear.

"Can I keep you Lovell?"

"Perhaps for a little while, we should see where this takes us."


	3. Chapter 3

"Perhaps we are moving too fast Light ." L sighed.

"What do you mean?" Light asked bringing in the rest of the boxes.

"It was not long ago you and I were-"

"Are you telling me you don't want to do this?"

"I am saying that I am concerned about the current situation, after one night of talking, for the two of us to decide to take a big step is -" Light kissed L passionately.

"Do you regret us?"

"No. I have never lived with anyone in this way. So much is changing at once."

"L, change is hard, we'll get on each others nerves at times and there will be things to get used to. I love you so much, what can be do to make the change easy for you?"

"I can't be sure."

"It's going to be alright, Watari promised to stay with you, and my father's starting his own force,he offered me a job and he wants you there too. He 's given everyone from the Kira taskforce a position of course you don't have to,but he would be grateful." L sat quietly as if he was considering the possibility.

"I will consider it. In the meantime, perhaps it would be in our best interest to start slowly."

"Anything you want, I'm not going to do anything to make you feel uncomfortable." Light promised.

"I know you won't. I would never allow it." L replied.

"If I ever do, you have my permission to kick me as hard as you want."

"I do not need your permission to defend myself."

"That's not exactly.-never mind, I want to invite my family over as soon as possible. I won't do that unless you feel like you're ready."

"I will not stop you from seeing your loved ones. I can stay in my bedroom."

"You're part of my family now Lovell, I want you there, and Watari too."

"Watari will have no problem meeting with your family, I am not a social person Light, need I remind you of this?"

"Lovell, you know my father already, my mother's really nice and Sayu is so excited to meet you."

"I will feel very uncomfortable, I am not going to stand in your way on this, I will try to make the best of the situation."

Light kissed him.

"Thank you. How's the security system turning out?"

"I have a few problems to address, by tonight it should be fully operational."

" you decide to take a break let me know. I have something for you."

"A gift, what are you apologizing for this time?" L asked looking into Light's eyes.

"Nothing, can't I bring you something just because I love you?"

"You could, however so far I have only received gifts from you that have an apology attached to them." Watari chuckled.

"I know its not my business but you two remind me of an old married couple." He said passing by with a box with the words"Kitchen appliances" written on the side. L sighed.

"Watari is right, we should attempt to -"

"Lovell, that's not necessarily a bad thing. Married couples argue and if they're an old married couple they've been together for a while."

"We have officially been together for only one and a half months ."L pointed out.

"Yeah but we already have a great connection, old married couples have that and -"

"Some can not handle being around each other, I have heard of those people who comment on how they cannot wait to be rid of the other."

"We aren't going to be that couple." Light promised.

"I am certain that is exactly what they thought."

"If it makes you feel better, we won't get married...for a while."

"Somehow I find that to be of no help."

"We'll be fine, you'll see. We're both just nervous about this. I've never been this close to anyone. It's new for both of us."

"You have had relationships before, I have not."

"One was one sided, it doesn't count."

"You played along, it does."

"How do you fig-"

"Light!" Light turned at the sound of his sister's voice. His family stood in the doorway.

"What are you all doing here, I thought we agreed to wait until we got settled."

"We did but we were in the neighborhood and we thought maybe you could use some help." Mrs. Yagami said with a smile.

"Hello again Ryuzaki."

"Greetings Chief Yagami and family. Thank you for stopping by, please come in."

Light stared at him for a long moment.

"So you're Ryuzaki, it's nice to finally meet you, Light talks about you all the time, I'm Sayu." The younger girl said.

"Awe, Light, he's adorable, like a panda." L didn't seem to know what to say.

"Everything is in it's proper place in the kitchen, , it's nice to see you again." Watari greeted warmly. Would you like to come and have something to drink?" The old man could see L's discomfort.

"Yes, thank you, come on you two, I'm sure Light and Ryuzaki will be joining us soon." Lights father led his wife and daughter into the next room. Once they had disappeared, L turned to Light.

"I'm sorry Lovell, I told them not until we were ready. You're right, my gifts do tend to have an apology attached to them." Light felt bad about throwing L into the situation.

Light suddenly found L resting his head on his shoulder and instinctively embraced him.

"I believe you did not know this would happen, I forgive you." Light smiled.

"I'll talk to them about this, I love you Lovell."

"I love you too Light." After a few minutes, L and Light joined the group in the kitchen and spent the afternoon learning to accept their new situation.


	4. Chapter 4

"I'm glad you all decided to join the force, I'm proud to say that we're expecting Light to join us this afternoon so once he gets here we can go over everything. Are there any questions so far?" Chief Yagami scanned the room with his eyes.

"Is it true Ryuzaki's coming back to work with us?" Matsuda asked. The crowd seemed hopeful that L would join them.

"It was Ryuzaki and Light that solved the Kira case and we'd be a great team." Matusuda cried.

"It's true things would get done faster, I did invite him but I haven't gotten an answer. I will be leaving the position open in case he decides to be part of this."

"I can give you his answer.' Light said entering the room.

"He's decided then, I don't see him with you so are we to assume the answer is no?" Light smiled.

"Not entirely. He said that if you really need him for a case he's willing to consult."

"So he's not actually coming back?"

"I wouldn't rule it out completely, he's full of surprises, you never know."Light removed his jacket and laid it over the chair beside him.

"So you're still in contact with him?"

The group turned to Matsuda in surprise.

"Yes, Light and I have been in contact since the Kira care ended, and it seems you are the only one that is oblivious to this fact."Everyone focused on the computer screen behind them to find that it was turned on and the familiar voice was coming out of it.

"Ryuzaki, it's good to hear from you again." Matsuda said fondly.

"If you were going to get into the computer, why didn't you just come with me?" Light asked.

"Because it is quiet here,I am still attempting to make the adjustment. It will take time. Keep this in mind, I have a mins of my own and I will do as I please when I see fit to do so,that is me, if you cannot handle that -"

"I didn't say that, it was just a question." Light said quickly.

"It is best not to question my methods Light, you will learn this soon enough." Suddenly a new voice came through on another computer, it was distorted just as L's had been, instead of the 'L' or 'W' however, they found the letter"N" on the screen.

"What's going on Ryuzaki?" Light asked looking at the "N"

"Training."

"I am Near," the voice announced.

"Near?"

"Yes, I am Near. I don't care to repeat myself so if you would, please pay attention.I have been given authorization to use this computer to improve my skills ." Light smiled. L was his now , there would be no doubt, Near was proof that L intended to stay. Light's heart filled with joy at the thought of always having L beside him.

"You have done very well Near, I will have Watari instruct you from here, please log off of that computer and contact him." As soon as L gave the word, Near disappeared but Light's smile remained. He had never been so happy.

"While we have you here Ryuzaki, would you mind listening in on our first case?" The chief asked.

"That only case thatintrigues me at the moment is the case of the strange grin and the fact that your son is daydreaming on the job." L sighed.

"What strange thoughts lurk in his mind?"

Lightsnapped back into reality as a few of the men chuckled.

"You can see us?' Light asked feeling embarrassed.

"of course I can, this laptop has a camera installed, if you are going to be in the business, one of the important lessons to learn is that just because you can't see someone does not mean they cannot see you."

"I'll remember that." Light replied.

"It was you Ryuzaki, I was thinking about you and the fact that I'm really lucky to have someone like you."

"Wait, Ryuzaki and Light are -"

"Matsuda, please attempt to keep up." L said sounding somewhat irritated.

"I couldn't have been the only one that didn't know." He turned to the group, no one spoke.

"Everyone knew?"

"Pretty much. I mean toward the end of the Kira case didn't it register with you that I closer to him , I mean, he did let me hold him for a few minutes in front of all of you."Light was amazed at Matsuda's ability to miss something that was right in front of him.

"Yeah,but that was after that old chair broke and if you didn't grab him he would've been on the floor."

"No, Light's right, there was a few minutes between the chair and Light letting him go." Chief Yagami stated.

"Held him pretty close too." A strange sound came over the computer and caught Light's attention.

"Are you okay Ryuzaki, do you want me to come home?" Light panicked.

"No, Watari is with me. Please do not be so concerned." L replied before the sound came once more, this time it was sharper.

"Ryuzaki!"

"I am alright."

"What was that?"

"It is called a cough. It sounds frightening over the computer with the distortions, I am a little under the weather today."

"You should have told me, I would have stayed home."Light stood up from his chair.

"I did not want you to worry about me, I have Watari and you have to work."

"Why did you use the voice distortion?"

"This may sound strange, but I like how it sounds." Light shook his head.

"That's so childish. Using it for your own amusement."

"You have no room to talk about childish behavior, I have more than enough evidence that you Light Yagami are the most childish of the two of us."

"You think so Mr. Sweets from the time you get up to the time I go to bed.

"My eating habits have nothing to do with being childish, they-" Another sharp cough cut the detective's statement short and the silence that followed made light's heart drop.

"Ryuzaki!" Light shouted

"I apologize. I will speak to you when you come home."

"Ryuzaki, wait. " it was too late, L had ended the communication.

"Light, he has Watari, if something was wrong, He'd contact you." No sooner had Chief Yagami said this, than Light's cellphone rang.

"Watari, what's wrong?" He paused to listen.

"I understand, I'm coming home." He hung up and looked to his father.

"It's alright son, if Ryuzaki needs you, you should go. He's family now too." Light nodded and ran from the room, his coat in his hand, he had no time to put it on before going out into the cold winter weather.


	5. Chapter 5

Light rushed home and through the door,where he was greeted by Watari.

"Is he alright,where is he?" Light asked worriedly.

"Resting in the bed room upstairs, I need to go out and get him some medicine. You need to be here in case he needs something." Watari said passing him and stepping outside. Light felt unsure of what to do.

"Watari, I don't know what to do." He admitted with concern, the old man walked back inside.

"Light, Lovell will tell you what he needs, you want this life with him don't you?"

"More than I've ever wanted anything." Watari rested a hand on his shoulder.

"Then I need you to show me you're a strong partner for him , that means learning to handle him when he's ill. I understand that this is very new to both of you and Lovell doesn't become ill often but when he does, even the smallest illnesses seem much worse,only because we're so used to seeing him alert during times when he's not well, he sleeps quite a bit. He also seems to be affected by something as simple as a cold worse then you and I would be. If you want him in your life, prove to me that you can care for him. I'm not going to be around forever and as much as he may like to believe it, I'm not invincible. I need to know he's found someone who's willing to love him enough to look past their own want or needs and put him first."

"I swear I'll always do that. I'd die for him."

"Fortunately for you , no one's asking you to. All you need to do right now is show me you can be trusted with his care."

"I understand, I can do that. So he just has a cold then?"

"Pneumonia." Watari replied.

"If he- it's my fault, I was around the taskforce , a few of them were sick,I brought it to him." Light bowed his head.

"You don't know that, it's the season for illnesses, I could've carried it in for all we know,what's important is to get him feeling better." Light nodded, he knew the man was right.

Light decided to go to the room and check on L. He climbed the stairs quietly, hoping that he wouldn't disturb the ailing detective. He could hear the harsh cough and pushed the door open to find L sitting up in bed.

"You did not have to come home home." L said trying to catch his breath.

"I wanted to, if you don't feel well, I don't want you to hide it from me. I love you and I'll do anything to help you, but as much as I want to help you,if you don't tell me you don't tell me." Light walked over and sat next to him.

"You should lie down."

"I feel as I cannot breathe , I cannot -" another coughing fit hit him, the sounds hurt Light to hear it.

"Light moved onto his side of the bed and positioned himself so that he was partially sitting up against the head board.

"Come here." He said softly.

"You will catch it if you stay."

"I'm not afraid of being sick, it's alright.? L hesitated but moved closer. Light put an arm around him and carefully pulled him. Down to rest his head on his chest.

"Are you certain about this?"

"yeah, I'd do anything in the world for you, I'd die for you."

"I believe that you would Light, however, I would never ask that of you." L shivered prompting Light to pull the blanket closer to him and away from himself.

"You will be cold,you should-"

"You need it more, I'll be just fine, try to rest. Is it easier to breathe like this?"

"Yes. Thank you, you are very good to me Light, more than I deserve."

"That's not true, you deserve everything. If you told me right now that the only thing that would make you feel better is if I brought you the moon, Lovell, I'd find a way to do that. You're very precious to me." L raised his head to look into Light's eyes.

"I am that important to you?"

"of course you are. I'm just sorry it took so long for me to figure that out." L laid back and listened to the steady,soft beating of Light's heart.

"Light?"

"Yeah Lovell?"

"You are precious to me as well." Light was stunned, he never expected to hear the words back.

Watari smiled, he had planted a camera in a corner of the room, part of him still had a difficult time leaving L with only Light. He had been sitting in his car until he could be sure that his son was safe.

He turned the camera off from his computer and made his trip to the store. L was safe in Light's arms he decided. He liked that the young man was very gentle with him. Watari could retrieve L's medication without fear.


	6. Chapter 6

"Light, think about this, you've only been with Ryuzaki three months aren't you rushing things a bit, your mother and I were together for three years before I -"

"Dad, I want this,and you even said he was family now." Light replied sitting in his father's office.

"Light, you're still young and before you think about such things, you need to be absolutely sure that this is the life you want to have. Three months isn't much time to say for certain that this is a forever relationship. Then you need to make sure you have stability financially and have a good place to let-"

"I have a job, mom and Sayu love him, you like him, we have a nice house and we love each other."

"No son, Ryuzaki and Watari own that house, they just let you stay there." Chief Yagami corrected.

"It's not like that, he loves me."

"Love is a very complicated thing Light, if he loved you that much, he wouldn't have accused you of being Kira and put us all through hell."

"That was his job Dad, he came here to find Kira, he did that,I've gotten over it,so should you."

"You really want to defend -"

"what's this really about dad?" Light asked.

"I told you, I-"

"want the best for me, isn't that love, what are you afraid of?"

"i don't want to see you get hurt has been known to-"

"He helped me more than you can ever know. He's the reason Im alive right now. He caught Kira, we could all be dead right now."

"I suppose you're right, looking back on the investigation, Knowing how close you were with her and no one knew, I could have lost you."

"You didn't, that's because of L. If you thought this way, why call him family?"

"I do consider him family, Watari too, I just worry about you, as a father when your son makes a decision that has a great impact on his life I- it's respectful to speak to Watari on the matter before you do anything."

"I know." Light stood up from his chair and walked to the door.

"Light?" The young man turned back.

"If he says no, I want you to be prepared and know that it could put stress on your relationship. If that happens, you're welcome to come home."

"Thanks." Light smiled and went back to work.

That evening, Light found himself in front of Watari, his nerves were getting the best of him.

"What was it you wanted to talk about, L will need his medicine shortly."

"Can we..sit?' Watari nodded and both sat down at the kitchen table.

"Watari, first, thank you for letting me be with him, I know it must be hard to share him like this. I want you to know that I truly love Lovell, and I - I want to be beside him every day of my life, I want him to be happy and healthy and safe. I'm going to do everything I can to-"

"I think I know what this is. You're planning to ask him to make it official."

"Yeah, I-"

"And you want me to tell you that it's alright with me?"

"I was hoping that you could."

"No." Watari said sternly.

"No?" Light replied.

"No. Lovell is very special, he is the best of the best, and You cannot make anything close to that claim."

"No, but-"

"You are simply not good enough Light Yagami, my son should have everything. What do you have to offer him?"

"My love, I don't have a lot,but I love him. I would fight for him,and die for him."

"Words are just words. I let this go on because he's finally found his place in the world,he instantly loved this house,i bought it for him. Until you can show me how you plan to care for him, and I'm convinced that this will be good for him, my answer is no."

"No one would ever be good enough though would they Watari?"

"No. Especially someone who was suspected of murder." The old man left without another word and Light was at a loss. He wasn't sure how, but he was determined to prove that he was good for L.


	7. Chapter 7

"It's good to see you back here Ryuzaki." Matsuda said with a smile.

"Yes, well I was told this case is particularly challenging. I did promise to consult once in awhile."L replied taking a bite of the chocolate cake in front of him. Light smiled, he was happy L was better.

"Mr. Yagami, what about this case is difficult for you?"

"It's a double murder,Akina and Eiko Takari. Both died of mysterious circumstances."

"I see, you're going to have to show me the information you gathered."Mr. Yagami sighed.

"That's all we have so far, other than the fact that the couple had just become parents, we're waiting to see what the autopsy has to tell us."

"That is quite a challenge, there weren't any witnesses to any strange activity around the residence?"

""None have come apartment building tenants-"

"Is the child alive?"

"Yes, the newborn was in separate room. She was found crying in her crib."

"Any signs of forced entry?"

"no."

"Very well, Watari, would you go speak with the other tenants?"

"Of course."

"Take someone with you, as a precaution,I-" L stopped at the sound of an infant crying. Light too seemed surprised.

"Mr. Yagami, You brought the child here?"

"I didn't, Matsuda did."

"She had nowhere to go and I felt sorry for her. We couldn't find any family for her,but she cries so much,I'm not sure what to do."

L walked over to Matsuda.

"While I can understand your concern, bringing her here wasn't exactly a smart decision. Especially if you're inexperienced with children."

Light joined them taking the infant into his arms.

"She's probably hungry, you should make her a bottle." He suggested. Matsuda became nervous

"I didn't get to buy any formula yet, we just got here and -"

"Matsuda, you are the very definition of an idiot." Having said this, L approached Watari.

"You can take Matsuda with you, but before you go, please go to the store and get something for the baby to eat."

"I'll leave now."

"Take Matsuda with you, you can leave him in the car when you bring the formula in."

"Hey-"

"Matsuda, you're talking, stop it." Light couldn't stop himself from laughing.

L glared at him and he became silent.

After Watari and Matsuda left, L returned to his began walking with the child in an effort to quite her.

It would be half an hour before Watari would return.

"Ryuzaki, can you take her for a minute?" Light asked.

"You took her from Matsuda, you assumed the responsibility of -" Light handed the little girl to L.

"Take her back. I'm a detective not a babysitter." The child stopped crying in L's arms and looked up at him curiously.

"She likes you." Light said smiling.

"Take her back."

"Come on Ryuzaki,have you ever held a baby?"

"Yes."

"Then you know it's not easy to hold them for a long time, they start to feel heavy and -"

"You should have thought of that before you held her."

"You can't possibly be that cold to a newborn baby." Light said. Despite L's protest, he seemed comfortable with the child.

"You'd be good with children."

"I highly doubt that." L replied not bothering to look at the little girl.

"I don't know, Something about you made her stop crying, none of us could do that. Maybe we should have one someday."

"If you think that's physically possible-"

"There's options available." L and stared at Light.

"You mean that." L stated.

"Yes. We'll get married and-"

"No."

"What do you mean no?"

"Exactly what I said. No means no."

"To what?"

"no marriage and no children." Light felt as if L had just torn his heart out and thrust millions of knives into it.

"You wouldn't -'

"No, I would not." L said softly. Mr. Yagami placed a hand on Light's shoulder.

"That doesn't mean I don't love you."L added.

"So you're not in love with me?"

"I am. I love you more than I could imagine loving anyone. You showed me how to love,however,I will not do that."

"I'm confused, if you love me that much, when why-"

"To protect you."

"From what?"

"Anyone that wants to harm me. In my line of work, you make a lot of enemies, they usually have the means to hire someone to try to find and kill me. This is another reason I will not give my real name. If they were to somehow find out that I have a family, it would put you in incredible danger and I would not be able to live with myself for you being injured or worse."

"Ryuzaki-" Light wanted to tell him that it was a risk he knew about before asking him to stay. That he would not be to blame if something happened. Instead, he gently tilted L's head up and kissed him softly.

"I'm sorry Light."

"Don't be, you're trying to keep me safe, I can understand that. I love you Ryuzaki."

"I love you too." Light smiled. Watari returned with a bottle and gave it to L who held the object in his usual way as the child drank.

Light turned to join his father.

"Light." L called.

"Yeah Ryuzaki?"

"Never think that I don't love you, I've lied about many things over the course of my career, but when I say I love you, it isn't an easy phrase to get from me. In fact, you are the only person to hear those words from me besides Watari. When I say those three words to you, I mean it."

"That's good to know Ryuzaki, because when I say it back, I'm not just saying it out of habit or because I feel like I have to. I mean it too."

"I know you do." L said turning his attention to the child in his arms.

"Come on Light, let's go into my office." Mr. Yagami said, leading him away. L and Watari were now alone.

"Ryuzaki, you seem sad, what's wrong?" The old man asked.

"Watari, can I speak to you about something important?"

"of course. Do you want to step into a more private setting?"

"Yes." L stood up and followed the man from his room into a smaller room. He was sure Watari would be upset but he felt it was something that he had to bring up.


	8. Chapter 8

"You know I've always been on your side, if you truly want this than I'll make arrangements." Watari said. L handed the baby to his handler.

"Thank you. I apologize for the situation I have thrown you into. "

"My dear Ryuzaki, you shouldn't apologize. I just want you to know that whatever you need, I'm here. We'll get this straightened out." Watari assured him. The old man placed a hand on L's shoulder.

"Thank you Watari, I can't say it enough. you have always been good to me." Watari smiled before departing. L followed behind.

Mr. Yagami motioned for Light to sit down.

"Are you alright?" He asked, his voice full of concern.

"Yeah, why wouldn't I be, he had good reason to reject me and Watari was right, I haven't proven myself. I-"

"Watari said that?" Mr. Yagami was suddenly angry with the man.

"It's true, he just wants Ryuzaki to be safe. I can understand that. He's just doing what he thinks is best for him. You and I have no right to be angry with him." Light replied.

"Even so,that's no way to -"

"To talk to your son, you're basically doing the same thing. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad you're supporting me in this but you don't like me being with him, no one will ever be good enough in your eyes, not for me or sayu. That's how parents are I guess. Ryuzaki does love me,he said it in front of you and the rest of the taskforce. He also gave us his reason, sure it still kind of hurts but I -"

"Are you sure this is what you want, you can come home Light, you're always welcome."

"Thank you, but I want a life with Ryuzaki, maybe when he's more used to affection and sharing a space with someone other than Watari-It's going to take some time, I'll prove to Watari that I'm good for Ryuzaki and I can protect him and make him happy."

"Light, Watari doesn't seem to be easily convinced. Especially where Ryuzaki is concerned. You're more than likely not going to -"

"I know. I have to try, I love him that much."

"I hope for your sake Ryuzaki loves you as much as you think he does."

"He does. He's not lying about that and I wasn't either. We're going to get through this, maybe one day when I ask again, he'll say yes to at least marriage. We'll have to wait and see." Light stood up from his chair and exited his father's office.

He noticed L was now in the same chair he had used during the Kira case. Light sighed, the detective seemed deep in thought, or upset, it was difficult for Light to tell.

"Ryuzaki, are you okay?" He received no reply.

"Ryuzaki, look at me, please?"he softly touched L's pale face causing him to look up.

"I apologize, I was..thinking." L said at last.

"It's alright, if I asked you what you were thinking about, would you tell me honestly?"

"Yes."Light sat down next to L and took his hand.

"What were you thinking about?" He asked gently.

"Everything." L answered.

"What about it?"

"You and I, this case, life. It has all changed so quickly, I don't know how to handle it."

"We'll figure it out together Ryuzaki, you don't have to do anything alone."

"I didn't want to hurt you Light. I am not meant for the kind of life you want." Light felt his heart sink.

"what are you saying?"

"I'm saying that as painful as it is for us both and as much as I love you- no, because I love you, I cannot stay with you. If I stay, it would only cause you more pain. You will eventually ask a second time and then maybe a third but my answer cannot and will not change. Watari and I will investigate for you on our own, only because I told you that I would help. I know that you will likely hate me as I already hate myself, perhaps more so. I will not ask you to forgive me, but I do hope in time you will understand that it isn't something you have done. This choice is mine to make and I have."

"Ryuzaki, you can't mean that."

"Sadly, I do. I love you Light Yagami and I always will." L sighed and left his seat. He was about to walk away when Light grabbed his wrist and pulled him into a tight embrace.

"Let go." L said.

"That's not what you really want though is it?" L hesitated.

"No." L said resting his head on Light's shoulder. "But it must happen."

"if you go, my heart will shatter into a million pieces Ryuzaki, I want you in my life." Light whispered in his ear.

"I would rather die than allow something to happen to you because of me,Light."

"If something did happen, it's not your fault, I love you so much, please just think about this." L pulled away.

"I have." He said before turning and walking through the door. Light's heart broke, the only one he had ever truly loved was leaving him and all he could do was watch.


	9. Chapter 9

Light sat in his bedroom, he could hear Watari talking to L, their voices were muffled but once in a while a few words would be clearly audible.

He stood up and pressed an ear to his bedroom door.

"Why torture yourself Lovell, I can make arrangements for you to go home and I'll stay here." Watari suggested

"No,I said I would do this,but Watari -" L stopped suddenly.

"What is it?"

"My-My heart hurts very badly." Light could hear it in L's voice.

"I know it does. It will get better and then everything will go down to normal." The old man tried to soothe.

"I do not want it to be as it was before exactly. I-"

"I know what you want,you want what you're denying yourself. He's just in the other room Lovell and he probably feels the same way. Just how do you plan to do this?"

"I don't know Watari, I am not good with emotional situations. I can't possibly say-"

"Then don't, stay here with me and we'll work it out somehow. That's what people do when they love each other. They find a way past obstacles that get I the way." Light said opening the door unable to listen quietly any longer.

"You and I have talked about this, I thought I made it clear that staying any longer could -"

"Could put me in danger, I know, but I'm willing to face it if it means I get to have you." Light was feeling desperate now. L was really going to leave if he didn't do something.

"I will not take that chance.I-"

"What aren't you telling me Lovell?"

"You have all the necessary information."

"No, there's something more isn't there?"

"Light-"

"Why can't you look at me Lovell, look into my eyes and tell me this is what you want."

"Do not provoke me, it's in your best interest to stop this now." Light shook his head.

"I don't understand what's gotten into you. Something isn't right here, tell me what it is."

"That's enough." L said sternly.

"I changed my entire life around Lovell, just for you. I did everything you wanted me to do. You can't just come into someone's life and turn everything around, let them fall in love with you and just leave them, I have a hard time believing that you're just having a hard time adjusting to this. Something is really bothering you." Light refused to stop unto he got his answer.

"that's right, you are bothering me. The truth is that I am a liar. I can be very believable when I need to be. The entire situation, all these months that we have been together were to ensure that you truly are not Kira, I told you I closed the case, however I simply went about it differently. Did you really believe someone like me could love anything?" Light was once again stunned and more than a little confused.

"I don't understand you, you say that you love me and then you do something like this, it doesn't make any sense at all!" Light shouted.

"Lower your voice, you are in my house and will not speak to me in that tone."

"Lovell-"

"Listen very carefully, I know that I've hurt you and it does not bother me at all to know this. I told you I'm not capable of attachments and affection. You were wrong, I am nothing more than a living computer. I will never be anything more. You Light Yagami, I'm surprised that you didn't see through this. You have three hours to pack your belongs and get out of my home."

"Lovell, just tell me -"

"three hours." L repeated. Light turned without a word and entered his room.

"He's hiding something, nothing he says is making sense" he thought to himself as he dialed his father's number and waited for him to answer.

"Light, is everything alright?" asked.

"No. I'm coming home." Light replied his heart breaking as he said the words.

L had made his way up to his room with Watari following behind him. Once inside L turned to his handler, a deep sadness filled him.

"I know how hard it was for you, but you did the right thing."

"Sometimes the right thing is very painful Watari." L hand place a hand over his heart.

"I know, but it's for the best. We should probably get to work, there may not be much time."


	10. Chapter 10

a month passed with no word from L or Watari. Each day Light thought about him, he wondered if L was alright, the odd switching back and forth worried him terribly, L had never been like that, at least as long as Light knew him.

Light entered the taskforce building with a heavy heart. Once inside, he took the elevator and soon found himself outside of his Father's office.

He stood still, he couldn't believe his eyes. Watari was speaking to the chief ,Light looked around hopefully.

"He's not here." Matsuda informed him.

"Who?" Light asked.

"Ryuzaki, that's who you're looking for isn't it?" Light didn't respond.

"I heard Watari say that Ryuzaki had it figured out, he's here to give the chief the results of their investigation. I asked about the baby but Watari just said she's safe and taken care of. "

"Ryuzaki wouldn't have just dropped her somewhere. He's not that cold."

"You really believe that Light, after what he did to -"

"He had his reasons."

"You really must have loved him to defend him like that." Light sighed and walked away without responding. His gaze locked on the door, he had made up his mind to ask.

half an hour went by before Watari emerged from the room, Light couldn't help but wonder why it had taken so long. He stood up quickly and called out to the man.

Watari stopped and turned to him.

"Light" he bowed respectfully, Light did the same.

Watari, how's Ryuzaki?"

"He's fine,he's been busy."

"I'm sure he has. But I'm not sure he's alright. Why would he do something like that, after everything?"

"You have to learn to let it go Light. He doesn't even mention you to me. It's best to stop hurting yourself this way." Watari turn to leave.

"But he's a liar,he told me that, I just have to sort out the lies from whatever he's hiding from me. He's said two different things, one of them has to be the truth." Light pressed.

"Leave it alone Light." Watari said before disappearing from view.

L sat in the car waiting for his handler to return. His eyes were fixed on a screen. Light stood in the center of the room and L could feel hiss heart breaking.

"You know the truth Light, one day you'll understand why." He reached out and placed a hand on the screen.

"It's better for you. I am no good for you and can only put you and your family in great danger. I broke your heart and still you defend me, I don't deserve it. Please have a good life and stay out of trouble." He heard the car door open and close as Watari entered.

"I told you that you shouldn't watch that." Watari said gently.

"You did. Unfortunately I was unable to take that advice. I miss him Watari."

"I know you do, when we get back, I'll get you something to eat."

"Later, i do not feel like eating."

"It's been around a week L, you have to -"

"Later." L repeated though both he and Watari knew 'later' wouldn't come that day.


	11. Chapter 11

Light, you haven't touched your dinner " Mrs. Yagami pointed out, Light didn't seem to hear her, he was thinking about L and trying to figure out the plan the detective had.

"Light?" She called again, this time touching his shoulder and bringing him back to reality. He turned to her.

"I'm sorry, I was just thinking, I have to figure out -"

"Oh Light, you're still thinking about him?" Her voice was sympathetic.

"Light, he made his decision and I know you don't like it but-"

"No, something isn't right, he's- Watari told me he's never let anyone hold him like that,and the way he spoke to me, that's not my Ryuzaki." Light insisted.

"You knew him only a short time, you can't expect to understand someone and know exactly who they are. You don't know if that's what he's really like. I told you your mother and I -"

"I'm not you guys. Ryuzaki is hiding something from me and I'll find out exactly what it is and get this straightened out. Either way, I have to find out what's going on." Light stood up from the table and made his way back to his room.

Once inside,he closed the door and sat down at his desk.

"After everything we've been through, the fact that you know who I was, why would you not have told Watari at least if you didn't love me. You had so many chances to say it. Why did this come up so suddenly, even during an investigation you told-" Light heard a quiet knock on his door and knew immediately who it was. He stood up and walked over to it. After a moment of hesitation, he opened it to find Sayu on the other side.

"Sayu, what're you doing up here, shouldn't you be -"

"I'm going to help you."

"I can't ask you to get involved." Light said closing the door behind her.

"You're my brother and you're hurting, I'm already involved. I just happen to believe you about Ryuzaki. I saw him him just that one time but I saw something in his eyes when he looked at you, he has to love you."

"Sayu, just because -"

"No, you can't fake something like that. I don't care how good you let's figure this out together." She smiled encouragingly and sat down on the bed.

"Has there been any news Watari?" L asked as he typed on the keyboard lightly.

"Nothing, but I'm sure we'll get to him before anyone else can." Watari assured him.

"In the meantime, have something to eat."

"Not now, I -"

"Lovell, you're a highly intelligent young man, so you should know that if you keep going this way, you're going to become very ill."

"Later, I have to -"

"Later never comes, if you're ill, what can you do?" Watari pointed out.

"anything I have to." L replied.

"You won't have the strength to do anything for him, please?"

"Watari -"

"I wonder how Light would feel about this, to see you putting yourself through this." L stopped typing and sighed.

Watari placed a piece of cake in front of him.

"If not for me, do it for Light. You're not going to be able to continue this way much longer."

"We can't allow-"

"L, sooner or later you always catch them. I've contacted both Near and a few other agents. Don't worry,I've also put several security measures in place around them. It's going to be alright." There was a long silence.

"I'll leave the cake with you and let you get back to work. I still have a few things to attend to consider eating it won't you?"

"I will." L replied getting back to his task. Watari shook his head and left. L looked down at the plate .

"For Light you say Watari, there is nothing in this world I wouldn't do for him." He picked up the fork and slowly began to eat.


	12. Chapter 12

Light stared at his computer screen absent-mindedly, he hadn't been able to concentrate on his work since losing L. Sayu had attempted to comfort him on many occasions only to find that it was nearly impossible.

"It's been two months Light, he's probably out of Japan by now. It wasn't meant to be, you have to move on now,he's probably forgotten about you by now, Ryuzaki isn't exactly the kind of person that -"

"You don't know him like I do. He didn't forget, he's hiding something from me. He's still in love with me, I know he is." Chief Yagami sighed.

"Light, I think you're-"Light stood up and glared at his father.

"If mom had suddenly told you that she never loved you, and wanted nothing to do with you, what would you think?"

"Light, your mother -"

"Tell me, what you would do."

"I'd probably assume something happened that -"

"Exactly. Something happened and Ryuzaki's not able to tell me. Whatever it is, I have to get it figured out before I lose him completely. Watari's been here a couple times and he looks like he's been upset for a while, if Ryuzaki-"

"Light, that's enough now. It's over and there's nothing you or anyone else can do. I'm sorry son, but it's time to move on." Enraged, Light stormed out of the building. As he emerged, and walked down the street, he was unaware of the figure watching him from the distance.

"It's good to see you ate a few strawberries today, it's still not close to what you normally eat but it's a start. I know you miss him but Lovell, you truly did the best thing for him. You're protecting him to the best of you're ability." Watari assured L gently.

"You know as well as I do that there's a good chance that Light was already seen with me, given the nature of the note you picked up from in front of the taskforce building." L said holding it up.

"No one can get into the building if they don't belong there, that's the way you set it up. Light is safe,you've been staying away from him and I'm sure that anyone hired to come after you would have realized by now that he's not part of it. They had to have seen that you're not interested in him. As much as it hurts you both,you are doing everything you can to protect them."

"No, I haven't caught him, and I will not allow them to be killed because of my mistake. I brought Light and his family into this the day I decided to stay here, I brought this danger and if something happens to any of them, I will never be able to forgive myself.


	13. Chapter 13

Light sighed with relief, he was finally home, he took off his jacket and loosened his tie before making his way to the kitchen. The house was still and he couldn't help wondering where everyone was. He had decided to have a snack and go to the living room to watch TV.

He settled himself into his favorite chair and turned on the news. He was glad to see that there didn't seem to be much to report,after all, the people were still spreading rumors about Kira though Light had kept his promise to L and stopped using the death note completely.

Light heard the front door open and close, Watari greeted him in his usual way,then placed the bags down.

"Love isn't with you?" Light asked looking around.

"He's in his room, he wasn't feeling well today." The old man replied.

"If I knew he didn't feel well,I would've stayed home today, is he alright?"

"Yes, it's just a cold,he's probably sleeping right now." Light nodded.

"I'll go up and check on him." Light turned only to be called back.

"Since you're going up there,he needs his medicine." Watari gave Light a bottle of water and two pills.

"If he's asleep,he can wait a little longer." Light nodded and wandered up the stairs,he stopped at the first door to his right and knocked softly but received no answer. He opened the door and walked inside. The lamp was on by L's bedside allowing Light to see him.

L was slightly paler than normal and it was clear that he was ill. Light had mixed feelings about L being sick,he hated that the love of his life was miserable he wasn't used to seeing L resting in bed and could feel concern for him. On the other hand, L was more affectionate when he was ill. Under normal circumstances, it was Light who would initiative such moments.

He could always tell when L was extremely exhausted or not well, the detective would often go to him and lean against him,cuddling close to let Light hold him. On rare occasions L would invite him to sleep in his bed so that he could be held close and sleep easier. Light couldn't deny that he enjoyed the affection greatly. He was content to let L sleep in his arms,it was a comfort to both of them.

He approached the bed quietly and put the medicine and water on the table,he fought the urge to kiss the sleeping man's head,he knew that would wake him, L was a very light sleeper.

"I love you so much Lovell. You're everything to me and I don't think I could ever tell you how precious you are or how happy you make me everyday. You gave me the chance to change, you gave me love and I can't repay you for all that. But what I can do is promise to always love you and care for you. I'll hold you forever if you let me." Light whispered.

Light began to walk away when the harsh cough caught his attention and L sat up sniffling.

"How are you feeling?" He asked pressing a hand to L's head.

"You have a fever Love." He said giving in to his urge.

"Yes, Watari established that earlier today. I was hoping he wouldn't notice but he wouldn't be Watari if he overlooked it." Light sat down next to L and wrapped an arm around him.

"You should've told me you didn't feel good, you know I could've taken the day off."

"There was no need for you to stay, I have Watari and there's not much you can do about a cold, it just has to run its course. Your father needed you more." L replied snuggling into Light.

"Love, you're really important to me, nothing else matters if you want me here. I'd drop anything and everything just for you."

"You already did. I know how much you wanted certain things to happen."

"You understand why don't you, the reason I did it?" He shifted L in his arms so that they were looking into each others eyes.

"I could've been god of this world,and for a while,I thought that's exactly what I wanted. But a world without you isn't worth it. You gave me a choice,kill you or stop. But how do you kill your own heart,you became the god that rules over me. Whatever it is you ask, I love you enough to do. My life would fall apart if I lost you. Always remember that." Light leaned in to kiss L only for him to pull away.

"I am still ill, if you do that,there is an almost one hundred percent chance you will catch it." Light smiled.

"Do you really think I'm afraid of a little cold Lovell?" He pulled L back into his arms and kissed him lovingly.

"It's alright Love, just rest now and feel better."

"Light?"

"what is it?"

"I find myself more comfortable with you than just on the bed, will you stay with me, if only for a little while?"

"Of course I will. If that's what you want."

"Yes. You see Light Yagami, not only am I childish in the sense that I hate to lose, just as you are, but also in the way that sometimes, I prefer to be close to someone that I care very deeply for."

"Then I guess we're alike in that way too, I love you." Light said leaning against the headboard just enough to keep L's head propped up

"I love you too Light,thank you for all that you gave up, I'm happy you chose to be here with me."

"So am I, there's nowhere else I'd ever want to be than beside you." A loud knock on his bedroom door brought Light out of his memory. He sighed

"Light, your mother says dinner is done, why don't you come down and have something to eat,maybe you'll feel better." His father called through the door.

Light pushed himself out of bed and opened the door.

"I doubt anything can help, but I guess I'll come down." Chief Yagami pulled Light into a hug.

"Light, six months is a long time to go through this pain. Maybe you should think about finding someone who can -"

"No. Ryuzaki did this for a reason. I know he did. I q love him."

"I know you do. Watari tells me Ryuzaki doesn't even seem interested in talking about you,remember when he said that, it doesn't sound like anything someone does to a loved one." Suddenly, They heard footsteps coming toward them and turned to see Sayu, the girl was the trying to catch her breath.

"What's wrong Sayu?" Light and his father said in unison.

"Dad,Watari's on the phone. He said he has to talk to you about something really important and it can't wait." Light's heart dropped.

"Is Ryuaki okay,did something -"

"I don't know,he just said he needs to talk to dad about something important. He sounded worried."

"I'm going to go check on -" Light began only to be held back by his father.

"You stay here, I'll talk to him and find out how the problem is." He didn't leave time to argue before rushing down stairs and picking up the phone.

"Watari?" He said into the receiver.

"Chief Yagami, please listen carefully, i need you to follow the instructions to the letter."


	14. Chapter 14

Chief Yagami found himself inside the taskforce building, he walked into the room L had used to monitor the surveillance cameras during the Kira case. He was surprised to find everyone there.

"Chief Yagami, Watari's waiting in your office has told me that you should meet him there." Matsuda said. Without a word the chief made his way to the office and was greeted by Watari.

"What's this about Watari, what kind of game is Ryuzaki playing?"

"A dangerous game of cat and mouse I'm afraid. One you and your family may become involved in. You see, as angry as you are with L for breaking Light's heart, it had to be done to distance you from danger as much as possible. It nearly destroyed L to hurt Light. He had no choice." Watari explained.

"Did he have to be so-"

"Yes, there was no other way. The man L is protecting your family from is a murderer. He doesn't care who he kills to get to his target and several years ago L caught him, he managed to escape and somehow found out L. I found a note a while ago and it had a photograph of myself and Light, clearly someone was watching us. He knows who I am and swore to kill L himself but only after taking the lives of those he loves. L had to act accordingly."

"I see. What do you plan to do then?"

"L would like to have very highly skilled marksmen stationed around your home and of course someone would always be near you when you leave your house,until we find him."

"Light!" Matsuda's voice cried in surprise causing both men to turn their attention to the window. Chief Yagami stood up quickly.

"I told him to stay home. When he heard that you sounded worried he thought about Ryuzaki. He wanted to check on him."

"L thought that might be the case, he's here." Watari made his way out of the office to meet light followed by the chief.

"Watari, is Ryuzaki alright, did something happen to him, can I see him?" Light asked quickly.

"Calm down Light. He's just in the other room, you stay here and I'll see if I can get him to come out. What did you bring with you?" Watari motioned to the shopping bags in Light's hand.

"Oh, I brought some ice cream, chocolate sauce and some other things for him, I remember how much he likes sundaes." Watari looked at him puzzled.

"Ryuzaki broke your heart and you bring him ice cream?' The old man was in awe.

"yeah, I must've done something to make him act like that and I thought maybe we could talk if he was here. I figured if you were worried about something you'd keep him close."

"I see. I'll talk to him."Watari disappeared from view.

"I don't know how you do it Light, I couldn't. He-"

"You don't know what it's like to love someone the way I love Ryuzaki, it's different, maybe one day you can understand if you find someone who you're willing to do anything for. I'd die for him whether or not he loves me back."

"why are you so intent to be with me Light Yagami, I told you, I don't care about you." L's voice said through the computer beside Light.

"You also said you love me, tell me, which is it?"

"If you don't know by now, you never will." Light sighed.

"Why are you hiding from me?"

"I am not hiding." L replied.

"You are, come talk to me or let me come to you."

"You shouldn't have come here. Go home Light."

"Not until you talk to me and tell me what's really going on." Light lowered himself into his desk chair.

"We've had this discussion Light."

"Let's have it again, help me understand."

"I am not coming out there, I won't listen to it again."

"Ryuzaki, at least tell me why I can't see you right now." There was a long silence between them.

"Because if I come out there we could both possibly regret it." Light sighed.

"Listen, whatever I did to you, I'm sorry. Whether or not you love me, I didn't mean to hurt you and I brought you something. I can leave it with Watari I guess, if I hurt you that much."

"Light's really upset about this isn't he?" Matsuda asked standing next to the chief.

"Light, let's get you home for now and we'll talk later. I'm sorry." His father patted his shoulder Light was once again brokenhearted. He stood up and turned to leave.

"You are very persistent Light Yagami." He turned toward the sound of the familiar voice.

"Ryuzaki, I -" L had entered the room and all work had stopped as everyone turned to watch.

"How are you?" Light asked, the detective seemed thinner and paler."

"Fine, and you Light,?"

"Terrible. I miss you Ryuzaki. I miss holding you and talking to you, spending time with you, you're still my everything, how can you be fine with this?" L looked away.

"I'm sorry you have had a difficult adjustment. We can't be together that has not changed. I hope that one day you will find someone who is capable of mending your heart and treating you as you should be.

"Why can't you look at me Ryuzaki, you haven't since you came out here,and you don't look like you're fine, are you not feeling well?" Light wanted to hold him and make him feel better. His heart cried out for the detective. He took a step toward L.

"Stay where you are."

"Ryuzaki, just explain why you did this, Light came to see you,you can at least explain why you hurt my son."

"Dad, don't be angry at him, he's hurting too, look at his eyes. Whatever it is it's causing him so much pain and -"

"Light, you can stop trying to convince your father, he has every right to hate me, I've given him more than enough reason."

"I don't hate you, I know there must've been something that kept you from me, you do love me. You lied about not loving me,that's it isn't it, that day you even told me you were a liar. That's the whole reason you said it, you wanted me to pick up on it. What's the truth Ryuzaki?" Again L was silent, this time he allowed Light to approach him. He turned to look at Watari who nodded.

"Look at me, please?" Light reached out in an attempt to touch L's cheek and make him meet his gaze.

"Don't touch me."

"what's wrong Ryuzaki, you're worrying me. Why can't I -"

"Because if you do, I will not be able to tell you what I need to."

"I don't understand,what's that supposed to mean, just tell me the truth." Light said gently.

"You've known the truth the entire time. "

"I need to hear it from you."

"The truth is that the hardest thing I have ever done in my life, was to look into your eyes and tell you I don't love you."


	15. Chapter 15

Light and L stood completely still in silence. Light wanted nothing more than to wrap his arms around L and hold him tight,he knew if he did ,he would never be able to let go. The taskforce,Watari and Chief Yagami watched with curiosity wondering what would happen next.

"Ryuzaki, come here." Light requested at last.

"That would not be advisable. As much as it may hurt,for your own good I can't allow it."

"Whatever it is,we'll get through it together that's what two people who love each other do,and I just happen to love you. Everything I am right now,I am because of you and I -"

"Why couldn't you make this easy and just hate me for what I did to you?"

"How could I, do you remember what I told you that last time you were sick,about why I chose this?"

"Yes I remember many things as always, some of which I wish I could forget."

"I don't want to lose you,we're good together and I'll be damned if I'm living without you, you can't just change someone's life and take their heart only to leave. All I want is to build a life with you, I've never loved anyone like I love you. My whole world revolved around you when we were together and when I lost you I-" Light sighed and pulled L close before the detective could react.

"I'll always love you Ryuzaki and I can't do this without you. Please?" Light pleaded. "I'm nothing without you. You give me the strength to keep going,what we have is true love,I'm so sure of it but if you won't give it a chance to grow -" L suddenly returned the embrace.

"You should have accepted it, you never should have come here." L said softly resting his head on Light's shoulder.

"Ryuzaki, can you do something for me?" Light asked unwilling to let go.

"That depends on what you want." Light sighed, he had missed this.

"Just ...just tell me you'll love me for the rest of my life,because if you -"

"Light, I will love you much longer than that."

"I've missed you so much." Light kissed him lovingly, he didn't care that everyone was watching, L was his again and nothing else mattered.

"Why did you feel like you had to push me away?" He asked.

"I promised to protect you, that's exactly what I was trying to do."

"Protect me from what?" Watari handed Light the note. Light's heart sank as he read and reread the paper

"Why didn't you tell me about this, I'm not going to let anyone hurt you." L shook his head.

"My concern is for you and your family, I can handle myself. I wanted to distance you from this I hoped that I could -"

"Listen to me, I don't care what this says, I'm not afraid and I won't -"

"Light please don't get involved anymore than you already have. I could never forgive myself if something happened to you or your family I allowed our relationship to exist against my better judgment. I should have told you no from the beginning. For that I apologize but now I must do the right thing and take care of this. Please understand."

"I do understand, but I'm not just going to sit back and watch it happen. I love you so much and I need you to know that it's not just you and Watari against the world, you have me too."

"I told you that I don't want you to - he will kill everyone who gets in his makes no difference. At the moment he is waiting for me to -" Light pulled him close again,

"It'll be fine Ryuzaki, I'm not going to let things go that far, he doesn't scare me, remember, if I have to, I can play his game too and I promise you, he won't win." Light whispered. L didn't respond, he knew there was a possibility that Light would do this,he just hoped he wouldn't get the chance.


	16. Chapter 16

"Charles Freeman." L said handing a file to Light. Light opened it and began reading. The police photo of a middle aged man with short dark hair and a scowl stared up at him. Light found himself wishing his notebook was with him. He hadn't met the man in the picture,but despised him for threatening L's life.

"Ryuzaki, you know that-"

"He's a dangerous man and as I mentioned moments ago, he's waiting for any sign of what we might be doing. He's also very intelligent. " Light reached over and touched L's hand.

"You would know that more than any of us, but I'm willing to bet that you're smarter."

"If that was the case, he would've been caught by now and I wouldn't have felt that I had to distance you from this situation. L replied taking a bite of ice cream.

"It's true, I'm not worried about it, I know you can do this, we can find him together. I wouldn't let him hurt you or our family." Light said honestly.

"I would rather you worry about your family. I-"

"Haven't you realized by now, you are my family. You and Watari, even though he can't stand me." L looked at him curiously.

"Watari actually said that to you?" He asked.

"Well, what I -" L turned to the old man.

"You told Light you couldn't stand him?" He asked calmly.

"In not so many words. I told him he would never be good enough to be yours, that he has very little to offer and he would need to show me something in order for me to accept that he wanted me to approve of his proposal to you."

"I understand. This is difficult for you, and you want the best for me, thank you Watari for loving me that much." He turned back to Light.

"I should thank you as well. You actually asked Watari first and that shows a great deal of respect. The fact that you did ask and that you didn't bring it up to me is the best thing you could've done in that particular situation Light and it means a lot to me."

"I didn't want you to be upset with him, after everything that had happened, I didn't want any stress on your relationship with him." Light smiled faintly.

"All of that being said, Watari, I love you as my father but I also love Light as someone who though I wouldn't marry, I may build a life with to an extent. I would rather not lose either of the only two people who care for me as you both do. Watari, in the future, please be a little nicer with Light, he has more to off than even he realizes." Though touched by L's words on his behalf, Light was curious about the statement.

"What do you mean, 'build a life to an extent?" L sighed and put down the spoon.

"I told you,you and I will never be married and there may be a time in our life together that I can't be there. You will never be able to have a normal relationship with me because of who I am and what I do.I have realized that to stop my work is a mistake and I can't settle into the life you want to give me. There might be a day where I must leave and you may not see me again."

"Don't say that Ryuzaki, you ever have to leave,I'll go too. I'm not afraid."

"I am." L confessed.

"Of what?"

"Losing you and Watari. If you don't know that by now -"Light passed the file to his father and embraced L.

"If I have anything to say about it,you're not going to lose either of us anytime on, we've tried it on our own and it didn't get us anywhere except depressed and you stopped eating,we're supposed to be together."

"Light,there is a very real possibility that you wouldn't -"

"You can't think about that. I need you with me. I can give you this life and if it makes you feel better,you don't have to do any work outside of our home then no one could see you and no one would know I'm yours."

"That doesn't solve anything."

"Neither does starving yourself. It's a better alternative. You're going to make yourself sick if you keep going this way. I love you too much to let that happen and I'm here with you now so let's do this together." After a long silence, L reluctantly agreed.

"Good. Now don't worry, we solved the Kira case together,we can catch this guy."

"This isn't like the Kira case Light."

"No, it's easier than that this time."

"He's much more vicious than Kira ever could be." Light kissed L.

"We're going to be just fine, I promise you." Light vowed. He just needed to figure out how.


End file.
